Wednesday, July 2, 2014

To Everything There Is A Season - No Matter How I Feel About It

These last few months have been hectic to say the least!

I have driven more miles in the past few months than I did last year alone (it could be true). From Mississippi to Louisiana, now I could drive it blind folded.

Earlier this year my grandfather had a terrible sick spell. 3 years ago he was diagnosed with cancer. They gave him 6 months to live. Well, he was so hard headed that he lived 2 1/2 more than they gave him. For that I am extremely grateful for his stubborn-ness. But this year his health started getting worse as the cancer spread. I went to see him as often as I could, every couple of weekends until the very end.

Hospice called in the family one Wednesday. We loaded up and headed back to his house. I had never seen anyone look so close to death. And I hope I never have to see that again.

It was a terrible weekend full of crying and grieving and last goodbyes. But his thick-headedness kept him with us even longer. Again, so thankful for that! He got a little better, was able to communicate and by the time I got the call, I was convinced he'd outlive me altogether! I had just told my husband, "I think Papaw might outlive us babe."

And then I got the call. My sister called. Mom was in the hospital due to her crohn's disease, Papaw was gone, and she didn't know how to tell Mom.

To make matters worse, the town where they were, the hospital they were in, was a small one. The only coroner had not yet been in for Papaw. And the hospital admitted mom in the room next to his body. He was there for a few hours. I'm glad though, my sister told mom and they got to say goodbye to him one more time with no one else around telling them to be strong.

It was and still is, quite honestly, one of the hardest things I've had to make it through.

I was almost 18 when my other grandfather died. I didn't handle that too well either. I still think of him singing to me or telling me jokes to make me laugh when I was little. I guess I know it gets easier, I just don't remember how long until "easier" get here.

My sister is a couple of weeks from being 18. It's all just too much for me emotionally. I'm having a hard time saying goodbye, to Papaw and now to my sister's childhood. She's growing up entirely too fast for me. Every time I think of it, I cry and she isn't even my child! How emotional will I be if I ever have children when they turn 18??

I know she is happy and excited. And I'm happy for her....mostly. I really wanted her to stay 4 forever, but she just won't let that happen!

I guess I'm feeling as though I'm losing a lot in a short amount of time. And I'm just very cry-baby about it.

I'm so thankful for my grandpa and everything he did for me and taught me. Without him, I wouldn't know how to be financially responsible. Without him, I wouldn't have learned to drive when I did (with Grandma in the back seat praying....every Sunday, without fail). Without him, I wouldn't be who I am today. Because everyone in our lives and everything we go through makes us who we are, right?

For my sister, I am thankful for the opportunity to see her grow in to this beautiful, caring young lady. And I can't wait to see how amazing she is in another 18 years!! I think about her when she was little and how we could make her laugh so easily. And I hope that she never loses that. And I hope one day she knows just how happy she has made others' lives.

To everything there is a season.

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