Wednesday, February 26, 2014

A Melody Brings Back A Memory

I have so many, very good memories from when I was a child. Sometimes I let my self think back to when I was very young and my parents were together. And my brother was my protector from frogs and big dogs (at the time that's all I was afraid of. Not now! I'm afraid of everything.) Reminiscing makes me happy, most of the time.

My mom used to tell me that when I was a baby, my brother (who is 2 years older than me) would pull me around and tell everyone that I was his baby. Is that not the sweetest thing?!

I remember always looking up to my brother. And I listened to everything he said to me. His words were absolute truth to me. Of course, as I got older he used that to his advantage. I remember, one day during the summer, and mom was at work, him asking me to make him a sandwich. I told him I wouldn't do it, so he held his breath and made his face red. I thought he was going to die without air! So I ran to the kitchen and made him a sandwich. Now I know he was just puffing his cheeks out and still breathing from his nose. I was 6, okay?

Anyway, I have all these good and funny memories. And when I ask him now, "Hey, do you remember that time.....?" he always says, "Nah, I don't guess I remember that." Sometimes he will laugh about what I tell him. As if to say that's funny, I wish I did remember, but other times he'll just look away as if I'm telling him someone else's stories.

It's frustrating. And it's heartbreaking. My brother, who I spent all of my life with, doesn't remember the things that made us who we are. Whether good or bad, we went through them together, and now it feels like I went through it alone. He doesn't remember the things that happened or the outcomes.

And how sad is it for him? To not remember playing little league baseball or going to a party as a teenager? Or planning for all the kids in the neighborhood to sneak out and meet in the woods, only to fall asleep? (Yes, he actually did this and we looked for him all night long....while he slept!)

I just have to wonder: is it his illness? Or has he chosen to forget everything because it all led up to him having an illness? Or as we get older, do memories fail us?

I've heard that a melody brings back a memory. If that's true, I sure wish I knew what songs we heard during those really good days.

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